MGM: The Royal Ass

Holy butt. Oh my God. So…so soft…and ooooh…aaah…more…more…no…don’t go away…butt…come back…come baaackkk…

“DREAMING ABOUT BUTTS AGAIN?”

“AAARGHHH!!!” I scream as my dream pops out of existence like a bubble. My eyes snap open and a much-too-close-up view of a set of sparkling white teeth freaks me out completely. It’s like meeting a clown on a deserted street at midnight. Eerie as heck. It takes me two seconds to register the wide-mouth laugh and I lose it when I do. “YOONA! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!”

“I’m bored. Play with me.”

“I’m going back to sleep,” I say, desperate to resume the wonderful dream I was having. In the dream, my mission had been a complete success and I was reaping the buns of my labour. It was glorious. I had my hands on Tiffany’s glorious buns and I was in heaven. I want to go back to heaven.

“Sleep is for the dead. Wake up and play with me.”

I groan, knowing that Yoona is not going to leave me alone. When she is in a mood like this, she is worse than the pestiest pest. Unlike cockroaches which are squashable, Yoona is not. She is also impossible to wave away. Once she latches on, she’s not leaving until she’s had her fill. Just like a leech. A gorgeous leech.

Just then, something hard hits my temple and I wince. “Oww! What was that!”

Yoona holds up the culprit—a weird little white ball-like thing. It turns out to be a piece of paper wrapped around a rock. And the only place it could have come from is the street outside. We peep out the window but not a single soul is in sight.

What the heck?!

“Is it one of your admirers again.”

Yoona shrugs as she flattens the piece of paper. Then she reads, “Dear Princess Yoona, you are the light in my YOONAverse, the most IMportant person in my life. Please spare me the tIMe of day and go out with me. Please give me a chance to show you the YOONity of my heart with yours. I live for YOON. I will die for YOON. I love you, Princess Yoona. To the end of tIMe, this I promise YOON. From your secret admirer, Prince Harry the Hairy.”

She stops reading. I look at her and she looks at me. For a second or two, we don’t say a word. Then, Yoona shakes her head and I know exactly what to do. Wrapping the way-too-cheesy letter of confession back around the rock, I go to the window and throw it out.

“PRINCESS YOONA SAYS NO!”

“Thanks, Taeng.”

“Anytime, Yoong.”

Now, don’t be confused. Just like how my friends shorten my name into ‘Taeng’, Yoona too, has a shortened name. Apparently, this is what good friends enjoy doing to each other. But Yoona is one of the tall ones so I don’t think she cares if her name is short or not.

“So whose butt were you dreaming about this time? You looked like you were really getting into it so I’ll let you get back to it.”

“The dream isn’t going to come back after all that disruption. But it’s alright, I’ll have a chance to touch her butt for real pretty soon.”

“Who’s the lucky girl?”

“Tiffany.”

“Tiffany, the cheerleader, Tiffany?”

I nod. “Mhm. Cheerleader Tiffany.”

Yoona flops onto my bed and rolls onto her stomach, kicking her long, slender legs into the air. “Looks like this is one tough butt to crack if you’re going to this extent.” Then she pouts. “Isn’t my butt enough for you?”

I give her butt a comfort pat. “I love your butt, but yours isn’t really enough for me sometimes.”

She slaps my hand away, leaving me buttless and sits up in a huff. “I’ve always offered my butt in your times of need and now you’re saying it’s not enough for you?”

“No, no, no, no. It’s not that. I don’t mean it like that. It’s just…my hand craves what my hand craves…you know?”

“You’re way too greedy, Taeng. Here I am offering you my royal ass to relieve your needs and there you are, lusting after some other cheerleader’s butt. I’m butthurt now.”

“But Yoong—”

She sighs, cutting me off. “I should just go out with one of these guys who will appreciate my butt a lot more than you do, ungrateful ass.”

“I do appreciate your butt, Yoong. I really do. You have one of the finest butts in the world.”

“You’re such a liar.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Are you sure?”

I nod like the universe depends on it. “I definitely love your butt.”

Yoona pouts. “But it’s so flat.”

“It’s not flat. There’s a slight curve.” I make an arc with my hand. “Like that.”

“Forget it.” Yoona waves her hand, dismissing my attempt to console her. “My butt may be flat but it’s royal all the same.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“So, Tiffany’s butt, huh. Yuri told me about your grand plan to charge for your ‘services’. Do you really think it will work if you price tag on it?”

“It would be more convincing. I think putting a price on it makes me look a lot less desperate. But I haven’t discussed it with Sunny yet.”

“Well, you should. Your butt rubs are pretty awesome to be honest.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Why else do you think I would offer you my butt when you need one?”

“I thought you were doing it because I’m your friend.”

“Well, that too. But if it didn’t feel good, I wouldn’t have continued to offer you my butt.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, your butt rubs are pretty addictive.”

“Wow, I didn’t know that.”

“You have magic in your hands. Each rub and squeeze makes my butt feel so loved and treasured.”

“If that’s the case, I should be able to pull it off.”

Yoona grins. “I’m completely confident in you. I’m sure you’ll succeed in your mission.”

I can’t but grin at her vote of confidence. “Thanks, Yoong. I’ll try my best.”

“But no matter how good her butt is, don’t forget mine, okay?”

“I won’t,” I promised. “Your royal ass has been there for me so many times. There’s no way I can forget yours.”

“Good. In that case, I’ll be going now.”

“Huh? Didn’t you come over to play?”

“Nah. I just wanted to make sure you won’t forget my butt even after touching Tiffany’s.” Yoona flashes a grin and waves. “Bye, see you in school tomorrow.”

16 thoughts on “MGM: The Royal Ass

  1. This casual convo about royal butt leaving me speechless.. Everyone offering Taeyeon butt but -yet- she choose Tiff’s butt. Well.. I guess that’s love?
    Fell like you substitute the word love for butt LOL

  2. aww yoontae<3 princess yoona haha. i really love ur random fluffy unique stories like that ginger story and this 😀

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