“Taeng, wakey wakey…”
I grunt, turn and bury my head under the pillow to mute the unwelcomed disturbance. I have no wish to return to this wretched world. Please let me stay on in slumber till the end of time. I could be the modern day version of Sleeping Beauty. Forever asleep. Safe from the world that is about to know me as a butt pervert.
“Okay bye…” Good. Now I can—“just kidding! We’re coming in!”
I try to dig under the sheets to hide but my friends, Tall and Taller, who have no respect for my privacy, personal space or wishes, come crashing into my room and invade my bed. I am unearthed and that makes me very, very grumpy.
“Leave me alone.”
“No way. It’s Saturday. We’re gonna go to the park, remember?”
“I don’t want to go to the park.”
“What’s up with you?”
“Yeah, why are you so grumpy?”
“Just let me sleep, damnit.”
“But you promised to come with us to the park.”
I am pushed into a sitting position but I refuse to open my eyes. As far as I am concerned, I am still asleep.
“Sooyoung, I think we need to take extreme measures.”
“You’re right, Yoona.”
The two weights on my bed up and go, leaving me alone at last and I flop back onto my pillow with a great, big sigh. Now, I can finally commence my stint as Sleeping Beauty of the 21st Century. But my ambition is soon disrupted (and very rudely might I add) by Tall and Taller. The two irritating, overgrown creatures lift me from my bed, horizontal and all and dunk me in my bathtub, right under a torrent of gushing water. And not just any water. Icy cold water!!!
My eyes snap open in shock and I splutter as water floods my mouth when I try to scream for help. I flounder a little in the tub but manage to sit up so that I can murder my two friends with my heart-piercing glare. But those two numbskulls don’t even have hearts so my heart-piercing glare pierces nothing and they continue to giggle at my plight.
“I’m up! I’m UP!”
At the declaration of my surrender, the torrent of water ceases and they help me up. Sooyoung wraps a towel around me as Yoona tries to dry my hair with another but I am far from appeased.
“What the heck was that for!” I rant at the top of my voice as they rub me down.
“Take a chill pill, Taeng,” says Sooyoung.
“We’re only trying to cheer you up,” says Yoona.
“This is not how you cheer someone up. You’ve only managed to make me feel miserable first thing in the morning!”
“Er, it’s a quarter past noon, Taeng.” Yoona looks sorry for me. Why? “We’ve been calling you for the past four hours but you didn’t pick up so we decided to come over to see if you’re alright.”
“What do you mean to see if I’m alright. Of course I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be alright.”
Sooyoung shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “We er…we heard about your failed mission.”
My entire world turns dark and silent for two whole seconds before Tall and Taller come back into focus. “What failed mission,” I hedge, “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”
Yoona grabs me by my shoulders and looks straight at me. “Taeng. We know, okay? Sunny called us yesterday. She had been trying to call you after Tiffany blew up at her over her betrayal but you weren’t picking up her calls so she got really worried and thought of calling us. But she didn’t have our numbers and it took her a couple hours to hack into the school’s database so by the time she got our numbers and called us, it was too late for us to come over to see if you’re okay. We tried calling you this morning but you still weren’t picking up our calls so we wanted to come over as early as we could but Sooyoung had to go to her swimming class and I had to do my vocal warm up exercises so we only just made it here now. But the point is, we know. We know that Tiffany found your mission notebook and flipped. We know that your mission failed. But we’re here for you, Taeng. We’re here and we brought our butts along. You can rub our butts all you want today, okay?”
A tear rolls down my face and I sniff.
“Okay…?” Yoona’s earnest eyes tug on my heartstrings so I nod. “Oh Taeng!”
Tall and Taller throw their arms around me and it’s like being hugged by two tall trees but somehow, amidst all the sadness and dejection, I find it in me to smile again.
After all, I’ll get to rub Tall and Taller’s butts all I want today!
All three of us are lying in bed and I’m giving Sooyoung’s undernourished butt some nourishment when Sunny stomps into my room. (How are all these people entering my house at freewill? Isn’t the front door locked?! And is knocking on people’s doors before entering no longer a thing?)
“Sunny! What are you doing here?” I ask, surprised to see her here in my room, unannounced, unexpected.
“I told you two to call me and tell me if she’s okay. I was waiting for your call!” Sunny yells and her voice is surprisingly voluminous for such a petite body.
“I-I-We’re s-s-sorry.” Sooyoung looks petrified. “W-We f-f-for-g-go—”
“Oh for goodness sakes.” Sunny turns to Yoona instead. “What the heck is she”—finger pointing at Taller—“trying to say.”
“S-S-She’s t-t-try-y-ying t-t-to—”
Sunny rolls her eyes, her arms angled in the classic what-is-wrong-with-this-world gesture. “Oh my God. I give up on this. You two are hopeless.” Then she turns to me. “Taeyeon, are you feeling okay?”
I nod and pat Sooyoung’s butt with a smile. “I wasn’t feeling too good at first, but they came over and comforted me with their butts so I’m feeling a little better now.”
Sunny sits beside me and pulls me in for a hug. “I’m sorry that things with Tiffany didn’t work out.” She pulls back and gives me a heartwarming smile. “And if it’s any consolation, you did pay for my butt too, you know.”
At the mention of that, my eyes widen. Holy butt sakes! I had forgotten all about Sunny’s butt! Her premium butt is definitely world class and my hands are itching to get themselves onto her ample humps.
Sunny holds my gaze for a moment before lapsing into a giggle. She flops onto the bed beside Sooyoung and presents her butt to me as well.
“Knock yourself out, butt lovergirl. I’m all yours for the day.”
My eyes drink in the sight of the royal butt, premium butt and in-need-of-nourishment butt before me and a wide smile takes over the gloomy pout that was occupying my face. I must have died and gone to heaven! I thank my lucky stars that my mom has gone out to the beach so no one is home to butt in on this slice of heaven. Butt extravaganza Saturday begins now! Yee-haw!