Times like these are reality checks. An awakening to how little power I have in the scheme of things. A realization of how the world will never ever stop for anyone or anything. These thoughts run through my mind as I lie here on my bed staring at the sun’s rays fighting to get past my curtains. Ms Pink is behind me. I can feel her. I can sense her. I close my eyes again and inhale to exhale. I really, really don’t want morning to come.
Fingers creep up my waist and across my ribs. I stiffen, tensing from the touch that evokes an entire range of emotions within me. Hands wrap around me, grazing my breasts and my breath hitches. From behind, Ms Pink presses against my back, enveloping me in her scent, her presence.
“I will miss this,” she says. The huskiness of her voice creates tidal waves in my heart. Who am I kidding? It’s the words her husky voice delivers. She will miss this. She will miss me.
“I’m already missing you.”
I obey and find myself staring into eyes so pink they are almost another colour. They arrest me and for a long time, all we do is stare at each other.
“M—Tiffany, this isn’t what you want, right?” I ask softly, breaking the silence between us.
“This isn’t about what you and I want.”
“I just want to know. Tell me. How do you really feel? Do you want this?”
Ms Pink’s eyes never don’t leave mine as she takes a moment to answer, “No.”
“Did Miras convince you to do it?”
“It is not only Miras.”
“It is not important.”
I pout, idly scratching my nails over Ms Pink’s collarbone. Ms Pink and the secrets of the supernatural will always be a mystery to me. My nails scrap a path down to the crest of Ms Pink’s chest and my eyes follow. Her body is such a work of art. I love every inch of it. I love every inch of what is inside as well. “My feelings won’t change,” I whisper.
“There is no guarantee in life. Only death. And sometimes even death fails to guarantee itself.”
“I don’t need a guarantee. I know how my feelings came about. I know why I like you. These reasons will not change.”
“There is no point in saying all these now.”
I shake my head. “I want you to know that even though I am going through with this, I’m only doing it because I know you have to. It’s like a mini reset but a reset is not going to change my feelings. I want to tell you this before you do whatever it is you have to do.”
Ms Pink grabs my face and kisses me hard. My heart pumps, a ball of heat forms inside and I am all fired up when she pulls away. “Sit up,” she commands.
We face each other, and I admire Ms Pink’s body as she renders herself completely naked.
“After this,” says Ms Pink as she holds my gaze, “we will not see each other. We will not speak to each other. We will lead separate lives.”
I nod. I am ready to begin proving myself to Ms Pink. To the Federation. Ms Pink sits me on her lap in a way that has me straddling her. Only then does it occur to me that I have no idea how she is going to expel my blood from her system.
“What do I have to do?”
“Close your eyes.”
With reluctance, I shut out my vision of Ms Pink. In the darkness, I feel her on my lips. I hear a little moan and squeeze my eyes to prevent them from opening. Ms Pink tilts my head back and my mouth falls open.
I close my lips instinctively and suck. The taste of iron strikes me at once and I know what I am drinking. I am taking my blood back. And it hurts. “Ms Pink,” I gasp and open my eyes. Her face is contorted in pain. In fact, so much pain is written across her features that I forget all about mine. “Ms Pink.” I watch in horror as my vampire princess pales and leans on me. “What’s wrong?”
“I won’t die.”
“You’re not allowed to die,” I say, dangerously close to tears.
Ms Pink looks up with something oddly similar to a smile on a face. “As you wish.” She pushes up and stands beside my bed, her shoulders heaving with the effort. Then, she looks straight at me. “Live your life as you would.”
Ms Pink’s smile is the last thing I see before she dresses and exits at vampire speed. I am left sitting on my bed for a long time. It is surreal. It is hard to accept that I am no longer Ms Pink’s claim. Just like that. Just as how I became her claim with little fuss, I have been unclaimed with as little fanfare. All that is left is a dull pain in my gut. And an emptiness gnawing its way out from deep inside. I am not sure if normal break ups wreak this much impact on the physical body but this supernatural break is more than tangible to me. It is like Ms Pink literally took a piece of my heart and left. I wonder if it is the same for her. It had hurt her a lot more than it did me, so I imagine she is not feeling good either. In a perverse way, this consoles me a little. At least we are hurting together.
It takes me two days to find the courage to step out of the apartment. No amount of cajoling from Sunny would make me leave but I have followed the classes I missed and read the necessary material to keep myself up to breast with the academic side of things. Emotionally, I am far from recovered. The gnawing emptiness has gained momentum as the days went by and now, I am certain that if this feeling were an actual grub or worm, it would have eaten up all of my internal organs by this time.
Sunny is angry with Ms Pink and she has sent some words in Summer’s way which probably will get to Ms Pink. I am unable to stop Sunny (nobody can when Sunny gets into a mood like this) and no amount of explanation will appease her. I know that she is upset because she cares for me but frankly, this is also straining my emotional control.
So, on the third day of my break up, I decide to step back out into the world. That cools Sunny’s temper a little and I get to start living life as I should. What is life, I wonder, as I walk down the road to ArtsUpp. It is a miracle that I still have my job after missing work last weekend and yesterday but Lisa is a wonderful and understanding person and she has managed to pull through amidst my absence. She is exceeding glad to see me today and it shows in her hug.
“You look terrible,” says Lisa, her eyes scanning me from head to toe. “You should stay home and get more rest.”
I shake my head. “I can’t leave you in the lurch for two weekends in a row. That would be irresponsible of me.”
“You’re not one to skip work for stupid reasons. In fact, you’re one of the few who turn up for work regularly and punctually. So when you need time off from work, you should take it. I don’t want you to tire yourself out and fall ill.”
“I’m fine. Really. In fact, I think coming to work will make me feel even better.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Alright then. This place is all yours.”
“See you later, Lisa.”
Lisa gives me a bright smile and waves as she leaves ArtsUpp. I look around the shop and take a deep breath. Somehow, inhaling the smell of wood and paint has a calming effect on me and I feel a little better for it. Sometime in the afternoon, Max sends me a text and we agree to meet up for drinks after work. This is life as I would be living it, I think, as I take stock of the paint brushes. Walking down the aisle, I reach the body brushes that Ms Pink had bought when we met for the second time. The fateful second time that would set everything in motion. Acting on their own volition, my hand picks up the pink kabuki brush that Ms Pink had bought. I wonder what she had bought them for. I wonder if it is even a coincidence that the PINK princess vampire herself had come all the way to this little art shop just to buy four brushes. Probably not. She had her eye on me right from the start. Then she took me by storm. I blink the tears away and continue down the aisle. No crying at work. Focus!
The hours crawl by but it helps when I interact with customers. It feels nice to smile, even if it is purely for work. But it feels silly to smile when there is nobody else around so I don’t. Lisa finally returns to close up the shop and I leave for the café I had agreed to meet Max at. He is already there with a pot of green tea waiting. I do my best to smile and laugh but none of it resonates in me. Thankfully, Max does not pick up on it, or he chooses to ignore it. I am tired of explaining. I am tired of lying to explain.
Max sends me home and I enter my apartment with a smile but as soon as the door closes, my smile falls apart. Tears begin to fall in the darkness of lonliness. Lonliness in the face of a life without Ms Pink’s presence. There is no Seo, there is no Yoona and there is no Yuri. No one. Nothing. It is as though the supernatural realm does not exist. They are too good at hiding themselves from view when they want to. But that is not good for me. I am desperate for a sign. Even a whiff of the supernatural. But there is nothing. There is only darkness and the trail of tears streaming down my cheeks.
I stand at the window in my bedroom and look out at the stars. Somewhere under this starry night is Ms Pink. Hard at work? Out investigating illegal kills? Is she back living her life as she would? Is she with Yuri, her playmate? The thought of Ms Pink holding Yuri against the wall in High Society sends a punch to my stomach and I feel weak in the knees. Ms Pink had never made any promises. She had never given me her word. I feel sick. I have to stop thinking like this or I will go mad.
With effort, I get myself ready for bed. I crawl under the covers and roll onto my side to look at the window that Ms Pink used to enter from. I wish she would come again but I know she won’t. Even the black skull candle beside me knows that. I close my eyes and try to sleep but it evades me. One hour later, I give up and head to the kitchen to make some milk. Warm milk is supposed to help us to sleep better.
One glass of warm milk later, I am still awake. And I have classes tomorrow. I can only sigh. Maybe I will be able to fall asleep in class. That is still better than no sleep at all.
I wake the next morning, thrashing around in bed. I was trying to run away from a cloud of darkness. A nightmare, I tell myself now, but it felt incredibly real when I was in it. I don’t know if it is supposed to mean something. Maybe it is just a bad dream but I am happy to be out of it.
Sunny is up and about in the kitchen. The cereal boxes are out so I pour some for myself and drench them in milk. Sunny is done before I am and she gives me a hug before leaving the apartment. “Today will be a better day”, she tells me and I smile and nod. I’m lucky to have Sunny here with me. And maybe she is right. Maybe today will be a better day. And maybe tomorrow will be better than today. So that bit by bit, I will be able to fulfill my promise and live my life as I would. A day at a time. I can do that.
I can do it, Ms Pink. I am telling you this even if you can no longer hear me this way. Three days have passed. There are fifty seven more days to go. And even if it’s all a lie and you’re never coming back to me, I’ll still try my best. I won’t forget your smile either. The smile you gave to me. See you soon, Ms Pink.
X End of Season 1 X
a/n: dear readers, this is the last chapter of this arc in FSoP. i have deliberated for some time now, whether to end it soon or to extend it into another season. clearly, i have decided to wrap this arc up into season 1 (word count stands at just under 115,000 words) so there will be a season 2 to FSoP. i decided on a season 2 because i feel that ms pink and taeyeon have a long way to go and there are too many elements of their relationship to handle at one go. not to mention, the world of FSoP, with many more secrets and characters who have yet to make a big splash in this story. so i will take a break from this world for a while and come back to it to start on season 2.
thank you! for coming along for this story with me 🙂 you are my driving force to write and my writing is also sometimes influenced by you and your comments to me. and a huge thank you and hug to the fan-artists who contributed fanart/fanedits to FSoP. i hope to see you all back here for season 2 when it comes 🙂 i know you can’t get enough of ms pink and her stupid human, right? 😉