Honey, Your Arm Has Fallen Off

“Honey, your arm has fallen off.”

Taeyeon groans as she turns around to look at the crummy greenish arm lying on the floor with its fingers still wriggling. “It’s always falling off. I’m so sick of it falling off,” she grumbles, pouting at Tiffany. Her roommate shakes her head but lumbers up to the arm and picks it up.

“Here you go,” she says with a lovely smile, all eight remaining front teeth gleaming with slime.

“Thanks, Panya.” Taeyeon presses her arm where it belongs and it re-joins her body with a slow, lasting sticky slurp.

“It wouldn’t drop off as much if you didn’t overwork it playing mobile games all night instead of sleeping,” says Sooyoung from the rotting tree trunk they call a couch.

Tiffany yanks off the arm that just re-joined Taeyeon and throws it at the self-professed model of the group. “She doesn’t play mobile games all night all the time.”

“Oh, really?” Sooyoung challenges with a smirk. “How else would you explain the grunts and groans we hear coming from your room in the middle of the night then?”

Taeyeon freezes while picking up her arm, then grabs it and dashes back into her room that she shares with Tiffany.

“That’s—well, that’s—” Tiffany halts in her retort and blushes even though the pink can hardly be seen on her leaden cheeks.

“Ah hah! Can’t think of a comeback for that, can you?” Sooyoung is grinning in victory when another arm smacks her eyes.

“Dumbass!” says Hyoyeon from the other side of the rotting tree trunk couch. “Taeyeon isn’t using that arm for mobile games.”

“Oh yeah?” Sooyoung isn’t convinced. “You tell me what she’s using it for then.”

Hyoyeon rolls her eyes. She loses control of one and it keeps on rolling in its socket. Using a finger to stop the spinning eyeball, Hyoyeon explains, “She’s using it on a nubile dame, dumbo.”

Seohyun, the youngest zombie unliving with them gasps and covers her ears. “Hear no evil, hear no evil.” She grabs all her books from the giant mouldy rock table and escapes to her room.

Meanwhile, Sooyoung is having trouble understanding what Hyoyeon meant. “Nubile? What’s that?”

“Nubile means sexy, dumbbell. It’s a play on the word mobile because it sounds almost the same—oh my gosh why do I have to explain this—” Hyoyeon sighs and turns back to the ceiling high movie screen of reflective spider webs.

Sooyoung’s eyes open wide when Hyoyeon’s explanation clicks. So widely that one of her eyeballs pops out of its socket and rolls across the grimy floor.

“Oh my God. An eyeball for dinner!” exclaims Yoona. She adjusts her rusty tin can chef hat and bends to pick it up but Sooyoung dashes there and knocks her over.

“That’s my eye, not dinner.”

Yoona looks her up and down with dissatisfaction written all over her peeling, scaly face. “You won’t do. Not enough flesh for me.”

“If you ever cook my eyeball, I’ll kill you.”

Yoona laughs in her croaking voice and it resonates through the unliving room. “I’m already dead, stupid. You can’t kill me if I’m already dead. In fact, I’m so dead that I’m undead.” Bending over from laughing too hard, Yoona loses her balances and rolls onto her side. One of her teeth drops out, stopping her laughter immediately. “My tooth. Darn it. Why does it drop out all the time.” Yoona replaces the tooth and stalks off into the kitchen. “How does stewed rotten thigh of a good-looking male human sound? I’ll throw in some burnt broccoli for kicks.”

“Sounds good!” Sooyoung replies. “But . . . do you mean there’s only one thigh?”

“Every human comes with two thighs, dumbbell.”

“Oh, right. Okay. Add more burnt broccoli. They usually shrink when you burn them.”

“I know that. Who’s the chef here, huh?”

“You are, dear deadly chef of Nyam Nyam TV.”

Yoona nods with a satisfied grin. “Good that you still remember that, otherwise no thigh for you.”

“Chef Yoona, here’s your delivery of one good-looking asshole.”

Yoona smiles at the short stout zombie, their blood-shot eyes meeting through the blood-stained visor of the zombie’s hell-met. “In Sunny I trust. Ooh, this is definitely a good-looking male human. If I were human, I wouldn’t mind dating him.”

“Dude, what’s your name?” Sunny asks the trembling male human.

“E-Eee S-Seuungggiii.”

“Alright, Eee Sseuungggiii,” Sunny repeats as she pats his thighs. “I’ll see you again later. In a pot.” With that, she throws him into Yoona’s arms and heads back to her room.

“Come on boy,” Yoona says to the shaking man. “Don’t worry. I’ll cook you well,” she promises and drags him screaming into the kitchen.

“Shut up!” yells the other zombie in the kitchen. When he doesn’t stop screaming, she brings a rusty pan down on his head and he slumps, lifeless and silent at last. “Good. Now we can have some peace. You would think the dead would be able to enjoy more peace and quiet but no . . . we have to deal with just as much talking and screaming.”

“Yuri, we’re the undead.”

“Whatever. I need peace and quiet when I’m making my acidic lemon slime shake.”

“Ooh . . . you’re making that today?”

The dark brown zombie grins and nods. “Dead or undead, we gotta take care of our health and skin.”

Yoona pouts sadly and touches her face. “Yeah, my skin has been peeling a less more lately.”

Yuri pats her shoulder. “Don’t worry. This acidic lemon slime shake will guarantee mass peeling by tomorrow morning. Trust me.”

Planting a kiss on Yuri’s cheek, Yoona says, “And I’ll give you the best part of the good-looking male human’s thigh.”

“His calf too? Please?”

“Sure. You can have his calf too.”

“Aww, you’re da best.”

“You’re da best doo,” Yoona replies in her low, growly cute voice.

“We’re da best duo eber!” says Yuri in an equally low, growly cute voice.

“SHUT UP!” yell Tiffany, Sooyoung and Hyoyeon from the unliving room but Yuri and Yoona simply giggle together and conspire to eat all the best fleshy parts by themselves.

X

17 thoughts on “Honey, Your Arm Has Fallen Off

      1. That sexay American girlfriend made my nose bleed so much > < too much for my eyes to handle! Hahaha

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